Happiness = Reality - Expectations
In an interview with Elon Musk that I recently listened to, he said something so profound that I just have to share it. He said “Happiness is Reality minus Expectations”. He mentioned it totally in bypassing, but to me it was such a profound statement that I simply have to go deeper into it here with you. It holds so much truth that I find so applicable to many aspects of life.
In order to really get to the core of such a statement we have to look at our expectations, what reality really is, and also our definition of happiness. This is not a small feat but in my heart and mind, it is so worth spending time with.
I do agree (100%) with Elon, that our expectations, whether conscious or unconscious, hinder us from seeing reality as it is, and thus also allow the veiling of any deeper experience of happiness. Our expectations are often built upon previous experiences and outcomes, certain long held beliefs of what we think the world ought to be, a situation ought to look like, or how someone ought to behave - to mention just a few applications of our many expectations. (This of course is also the grow ground for many different types of suffering). What if we would drop all that, all shields of wishing things to be different. Can you sense the freshness of merely the thought of not being dominated by our limited mind and its conditioning?
When we are willing to see things as they are, without coloring the situation with our beliefs and expectations, there is a different quality of richness to the moment. Meeting the moment with curiosity and total acceptance - not wishing things to be otherwise - is what can gift us the opportunity of expansion (on multiple levels). But oh so often do we starve ourselves of that richness. We tend to tint the experience of the moment with our narrow vision. In our own minds, however, we often don’t realize that we are cheating ourselves of a beautiful opportunity to learn and grow from a new experience or spontaneous outcome. I know this is all quite abstract to talk about, but I believe it is well worth it, so bare with me.
Imagine if we, on the contrary, would be willing to see the moment afresh, welcoming the moment as it is. This means that we would have to let go of any sense of control, let go of our likes and dislikes, and welcome the opportunity to broaden our horizon and experience something new, beyond our expectations. We would have to actively welcome ALL the flavors and feelings, all the different view points, all the ways life can express itself (be it through a person or a situation).
The belief that something ought to be a certain way (no matter the content of the belief that’s coloring our vision) is often a deep desire of wanting to know/expect/control the situation/moment/person. This is where I invite you to take a step out of your comfort zone and see the moment - as it is - without the need to change anything. Can you take a deep breath and let everything be as it presents itself, perfect with all its imperfections, without categorizing it or defining it with your judgement? It is MUCH easier to take the route of labeling the moment according to our previous experiences and current understanding. That is why this is such a profound practice in action, meeting life in its fullness, not just the way we are used to, or the way we prefer it to be. It’s not easy. But it’s quite rewarding.
Because underneath that layer of wanting to be in control, a layer of honest and open minded/hearted exploration can take you much deeper into the richness of experience. What is the reality of this moment, if you refrain from adding your conditioned commentary to it? There are of course so many nuances to this, but start where you are. Start by dropping in, by being coherent, and truly listening and seeing things with fresh perception. I dare you to welcome the moment as it reveals itself to you, without the need to change it. Imagine how boring life would be if you were never challenged. Imagine if you were never gifted different perspectives to see or do things. When you put the words in the mouth of someone, or you expect a certain behavior or outcome, you’re starving yourself from expanding what you know and what life has to offer.
We are not here to beat ourselves up about this. We all do it, more or less. The gift is the opportunity to practice catching yourself from wanting to control the moment. THIS, to me, is being truly intimate with life, with reality - with what is. Welcome all flavors, names, shapes and forms, including the whole spectrum of feelings. Try it. I think you’ll be surprised. The more we learn to let go of our preconceived ideas of how the world, life, or a situation ought to be, we soften. And with the softening comes a receptivity to the richness, which we search for in the name of happiness.
The happiness that Elon says comes from this - reality minus expectations - is something far greater than the shallow happiness we often seek outside ourselves. It is a deeper contentment, that is born out of complete acceptance of what life is gifting us in each and every moment. And this deep rooted contentment contains appreciation…
Om
