Vulnerability is a super power
Vulnerability is a reoccurring theme that comes up a lot when working with people one-on-one, and it’s a concept that is loaded with cultural connotations. It’s one of those touching points were some people reach a wall and don’t want to touch the subject at all, where others muster up enough courage to “be vulnerable” enough to truly see themselves, speak their truth, share their heart intimately within their relationships, or whatever the case may be. I often hear that vulnerability is associated with weakness, which is what brought me to write this, because I feel like nothing can be further from the truth. Neither is it related to courage or strength (well, maybe in the beginning as we practice this, but more so aligned with who we truly are). This is where we have a cultural wound to heal. Because unless we dare to “be vulnerable”, we won’t be completely intimate with Life itself.
What does it mean to be vulnerable? The social construct of being something other than vulnerable is what’s been fostered in contemporary achievement and attribute driven cultures. In such an atmosphere, there is more focus on doing and less room for being. Such a culture encourages masking up and toughening up, while not necessarily leaving space for pausing and looking into what is going on at the depths. The amount of masks we put on, roles that we play, opinions we take on, are all derived from an underlying sense of covering something up, or becoming something other than what we are. The masks and roles that we pick up along the way are like clothing that we put on to decorate ourselves, to fit into projections and expectations, while totally overlooking the beauty of that which we already are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, as long as we see through the games that we play. The trouble is when it goes by unnoticed. The important question is, what is this something that we aim to cover up? When we are “vulnerable” we are sharing more of ourselves, we open up. Vulnerability has to do with honesty, with seeing things as they are, accepting what is, and sharing our heart.
Instead of “being vulnerable” we choose to put on the cloak of limiting beliefs, which speaks volumes of polarity and duality, such as strength and weakness, and so on. Vulnerability on the other hand, holds all paradoxes in its embrace. At the heart of vulnerability is equanimity.
It is helpful to ask ourselves, who is this me who is trying to cover up another part of me? What is behind the resistance of opening up fully? What is being protected by holding ourselves back? Oftentimes this bounces the focus back to ego, identity, a persona that we’ve taken a lifetime to create, etc. We often don’t want to fall short of looming expectations (our own expectations and those we’ve projected onto others about ourselves). We want to feel as though we have everything under control, that we are in charge. We don’t want to show ourselves as “weak” (another misleading construct). We don’t want to seem like we’re without direction, certainty, or admit that we’re swimming in the ocean of the unknown (along with everyone else). So, in order to get over the cultural stigma of “being vulnerable” (read: being more of ourselves), we seem to have to muster up the opposing energies of courage, strength, and so on, in order to highlight essential parts of ourselves - the sides that are tender, receptive, open, exposed.
Suffering is a sure result when we cover ourselves up (as it is an act of continuously feeding separation - consciously or unconsciously). We may not notice the pain until we’re totally alienated from deep relationships or out of touch with ourselves, but each time we put on a mask to cover something up (or not expressing the full spectrum of emotions or thoughts - not sharing the full truth), we’re reinforcing this whole construct. The disconnect can show itself in so many different ways. To be vulnerable is to be more of your self. To be as you are. To live in acceptance. To “be vulnerable” is to befriend the uncertain and to continue to choose the mystery, in lieu of living within the constructs that we have created with our limited minds. To re-member the humble perspective of living in total acceptance may have to start as a practice, in order to feel natural again. But there is nothing more aligned with your true nature, than to be fully as you are and to be at peace with the unfolding of Life. Why cover that up? Why put on a show?
Again, what does it mean to be vulnerable? Drop the guard. Be as you are.
The judgements that speak against “being vulnerable” tells us a lot. And so does our inner dialogue. It gives us a lot of clues about the constructs we continue to invest in. Sit with this. Watch and observe it. It’s fascinating stuff. In the beginning, it may require effort to stop hiding. The tendencies to veil ourselves are so engrained that one may have to pause to notice the links between thoughts, words and actions. Yet with practice there is nothing so freeing as stepping out of the games of hide and seek. Who is really hiding from whom and what? Isn’t true belonging and intimacy what we most often want? What is connection, if not based on honesty - with ourselves and others.
Oftentimes we associate “being vulnerable” with something that is scary, brings pain, or feels as though we would loose everything by opening up - when in fact that’s when we truly receive. We tend to shield ourselves from true connection, yet we thus also prevent ourselves from being liberated from our own limiting constructs. The walls we put up (subconsciously) to protect our inner world from hurt, also shuts out any type of true intimacy and connection.
Unbound means no divisions, no separation. Unconditional love, means without conditions, free and totally inclusive.
Of course there has to come a point in our own evolution where we choose that this is the path we want to take - to welcome all of Life with its wide spectrum of feels and flavors. The unconscious habits of hiding and role-playing are deep groves (in many cases), so an active participation and willingness to grow (and receive) is necessary. To actively participate in Life instead of putting up walls (or choosing what to allow into our sphere based on our likes and dislikes - which is another deep groove) is what some people call brave. But in all honesty, it seems as though this is the most natural way of being. In the long run, it takes the least amount of effort and is the most nurturing. We are fully seen and at the same time we fully accept all of Life as it moves through us. All the other qualities and attributes that we take on to veil ourselves seem to require way more energy and effort to carry, in the long run. Vulnerability is to take the power back and to show reverence to all that we are. It is really about honoring the totality of the Life that we’ve been gifted.
LIKES & DISLIKES
This conversation braids into the theme of being steered by our likes and dislikes (both personally and collectively). By allowing the full spectrum of feelings to be exposed and expressed through our human incarnation is to fully honor the life that we have been given. What we choose to focus on turns into limitations, unless it is all inclusive. If we choose to only view or value one side of the spectrum, the “positive” or the “negative”, we’re not all inclusive. The categorization of experiences creates definitions as to what we are willing to experience. To choose certain thoughts or feelings above others, to deem some better than others, is to limit the experience. By defining certain feelings as human emotions and some as more divine qualities is to shun the Life that is moving through it all. Thus, challenge yourself to feel ALL the feels and to hold all opposing forces equally. No matter how you’ve previously defined a certain emotion (or how it is viewed within the culture you exist within) dare to take up enough space to hold it all. This doesn’t mean that much has to change on the outer, but internally we hold an acceptance and equanimity towards all expressions. It also doesn’t mean that we are indifferent or numb. Rather, we choose to engage with Life with complete acceptance and appreciation, and allow for full expression of the experience. Being vulnerable is living without censorship.
The tantric way of dealing with this is to move the attention from the content of experience, to that which is experiencing. At the end of the day, there is merely experiencing. The rest is story. We write the story and live the script. The one thing that remains the same is experiencing, no matter what the narrative is. We have the opportunity to watch it all; being detached yet completely involved.
The work related to “vulnerability” or your true nature is closely linked to the conscious choice to step into the current of Life - and trusting its flow. It is about lessening the resistance and maybe most importantly surrendering the belief that we’re in control. It is about showing reverence to Life, without cherry-picking which experiences we approve of and which we want to avoid. We willingly welcome all experiences that expose the lessons we need in order to learn and evolve. It is about befriending the uncertain and growing in humility - and along the way notice the many other beautiful flowers on this path of softening.
TRUST
The play of our daily life is the best arena to practice the unlearning of these tendencies and choose to live more aligned with our true nature. Thus, vulnerability goes hand in hand with trust - trusting the guidance and unfolding of Life. And how could one possibly receive Life fully, if one is not open to it?
Due to past experiences, we are always going to have all the reasons not to trust. That is why vulnerability and trust are the pillars of the doorway through which we are invited to walk.
What is at the heart of trust? We are divinely held and supported, always have been and always will be, whether we choose to see it or not. The whole quest of this life journey is to come home to this. Because, simply put, there is no occurrence in existence, within time or space, that is not within Great Spirit’s plan of unfolding. There is no thought, word, action, desire, situation or dream that is not infused with divine presence. It is ALL presence.
This can be a hard pill to swallow as much as it can bring the greatest relief. Our job is to stay receptive to the divine dance that envelopes the totality of existence, and our life as it seems. It takes courage, clarity, observance, patience, and maybe most of all TRUST to perceive this. This is not a mere belief or religious faith, but a deep conviction - in our culture referred to as trust.
This is what in Sanskrit is referred to as shraddha (श्रद्धा) - trust, faith, conviction, reverence, welcoming, longing, loyalty, confidence, respect, purity, intimacy. From the core of our being, we can open up to the immense possibility of Life by holding trust/shraddha as our North Star. This is what it means to be truly intimate with Life; fully welcoming and in acceptance. Dropping the guard and trusting what is unfolding, is the stepping stone to fully relaxing into the awe and wonder of being.
The question that is potent to ponder is how to surrender into the grace of the rhythm of the universe, to be one with all plans of consciousness, and to trust Great Spirit’s protection. It is our job to soften, open up and be receptive - to develop our intuitive abilities and trusting our innate knowing / the presence that permeates all. Our life is the practice grounds to learn to relax and release resistance, to learn to flow with ease and grace through Life. Trust is the ingredient that helps us accept whatever the future holds as it is presented, without trying to change Great Spirit’s plan…
So, in short, vulnerability is about stepping out from behind masks, roles, identifications. It’s about standing naked, totally raw, in front of oneself, fully visible. It’s about stepping into new, or since long forgotten, territory. There is growth to be found here, in the meadows of possibility. There may be discomfort when stepping out of our comfort zones, with bare feet touching the ground - as it is. It is a space filled with uncertainty. Spiritual practices encourage us to become equanimous in midst of the mystery. Vulnerability is true intimacy, where we no longer hide behind any constructs or veils.
Dare to trust and to be as you are.
om hrim shrim shraddhaye namah
